Everyone's a comedian...

So as mostly everyone knows by now I did my first stand-up show last week. And it went really well. But it has everyone I talk to trying out their jokes. A good number of you are really funny but there are some lame jokes coming my way.
After telling my aunt josie about the show she went the rest of the weekend trying to give me ideas about jokes. She said to me that I should "tell jokes about how I threw-up everytime I ate as a baby". I would make a joke about that but it is no laughing matter. Baby bulemia is a major problem in this country. Everyday thousands of babies throw up because they want to look good in their huggies.
And I have an aunt Barbara who is from brazil and is extremely wierd. She wouldn't leave me alone until I told her one of my jokes. But it is wierd telling jokes to family members because they really don't know how big of a creep I am in real life.
Danny B tells me a lot of jokes. I actually think he is very funny. Just wanted to add that.
I even had a friend last week who wanted me to read a screenplay that he and his roomates wrote. Because now that I had one 6 minute set on a monday night I am a big deal (sarcasm). But I'm sure it'll be quite entertaining because that is a friend who I do find to be very funny.

Comedy clubs are kinda bullshit. All the comedy clubs I talk to require me to bring at least 6 friends with me if I want to perform. But they want me to do that on like tuesday and wednesday night so its not easy. On a friday or saturday I don't think I would have trouble getting friends to go but during the week is hard. And they all have cover charges and 2 drink minimums. So they want me to bring in at least $150 to do 6 minutes of stand-up for free. I understand that running the club is a business but I feel like they really rip you off. So I apologize in advance for making you spend so much money to see so little of me. But the show must go on and I'm in the process of booking more shows.
The next show I have booked is january 5th at Comix. Gimme a shout if you can go. The club manager would like all reservations before christmas.
So to close out the blog ill leave you with a couple of jokes I have been working on. And feel free to leave comments of any topic you want to see me joke about.
-"My friend was seeing this girl for a while and she wouldn't have sex with him so I did him a favor by being a real creep to her so that he can protect her. But then I raped her. That's my rape joke." I didn't really do that.
-"So I just ran into a former drug dealer of mine. Looked like death. Business is bad. Thought he might stab me. Wet myself a little" that really did happen.
-I was at a bar and a drunk chick came up to me. And she asks what I do. When I tell her I'm a comedian she asks me to tell a joke. I tell her "you're pretty and I really like you"
-I love having a camera on my phone because girls never know that I'm filming. Ill be humping away and they'll look up at me and say "Whatre u doing with your phone. R u filming?" No I'm not filming. I'm texting. "O ok". I sleep with really stupid women.

Those are some jokes I am starting to work on. I love feedback because everyone is a comedian....Did u see what I did there? That was the title.

my first show

My first show went really well. I'd like to thank everyone who was able to come and also thanks those of you who supported thru facebook or phone calls. I'm gonna re-cap the show for those of you who were not able to make it.
I scored this gig because of my buddy Chris Cells. He is also a comedian and very funny. He performed two weeks ago at the same venue amd told the manager about me. Thanks chris.
So I got to the show and the first person I see at the club is mikey tuttle. For those of you who don't know him he is on the show orange county choppers. His father owns the business and they have been on tv for a long time now. He also performed. Wasn't too funny. But he did tell an awesome road head joke. I may actually end up on the tv show. I had to sign a consent form.
I go into the dressing room and I start taking pictures like an asian in times square. It was awesome. Then I saw the set list and I was going second to last. Right before the headliner.
Hanging out backstage was awesome. Everyone was a comedian so I laughed the whole time. It was awesome. I even met some contacts that want me for other shows. Very exciting.
About half hour before I was supposed to perform I was making a phone call to my good friend sean flood and in walks jim gaffigan. If you don't know him than you aren't a big fan of stand-up comedy. He is one of the best. He has done several comedy central specials and headlined many tours. He didn't really hangout with us though. I thought he might hang around for maybe 5 minutes and talk to us young comics but he just said "good crowd out there" and left.
So it finally came to my time of the night. And I was backstage before my turn and I wasn't sure how to prepare so I started stretching. It made sense at the time. I came out and my opener was a joke I made on the train ride in with cj, val, and mike. "This is gonna be a lot like sex. I'm gonna try really hard to make it last six minutes." The crowd laughed pretty hard at that. After that I fell into a grove telling the jokes I knew. I even talked to the crowd a little. The two dutch guys sitting in front loved me. That's why I'm already huge in holland.
Outside after the show I was calling my mother to tell her how well it went and an older gentleman came over to congratulate me and tell me how much he liked the show. He said the shy thing was good(because it was scary and I was looking down a lot) but I should look up at the crowd more. But fuck that guy. I was adorable.
So the show was a lot of fun. The manager loved me because I was able to bring so many people and he is gonna call me today to book more shows. I also get a dvd of the performance. Once again, thank you everyone and there will be more posts to inform all of you of shows I will be having.