Docor's Office

So I am at a doctor's office for the first time in what seems like years. I'm bored waiting for this N-word, and Pat wants more blogs so I'm just gonna sit here and write about things that happen.
Things that happened already:
-Asian kid just woken up from anestesia trips over lady's feet while trying to leave. Hysterical. Also, his mom had a disgusting cold sore.
-A hott chick was sitting next to me but she was definitly twitching. I didn't mind it but I wish she had bigger boobs so that they would jiggle.
-Another hott chick who is a nurse keeps coming in and out of the waiting room...she wants me.
-A third good looking chick is sitting to my 2 o'clock. She has a ring that goes over 3 fingers. I think it says her name.
-I get called into the back to see the doctor and my mom says "should I come with him?" And the hot nurse says to me "that's really up to you" like I'm fucking 5. She still wants me.
-This guy who is probably younger then me took my x-rays and could totally tell I was hi.
-My doctor asked me what I do and I told him that I'm a comedian. He thought that was awesome.
-So I need to get my wisdom teeth out and my doctor gave me a prescription for penicillin and vicodin and he said to pick them up before the surgery. My surgery isn't until the 23rd so I said "I'm gonna run out of vicodin before I even get the surgery. Can I get refills?" Then he took the presciptions back.

can't sleep

So I can't fall asleep because I slept until noon today and then I took a nap from 5 to 7. I'm not gonna fall asleep anytime soon so I decided to write a blog for my loyal fans.....both of you. So here is some shit that has been on my mind.

-I was watching the movie "Watchmen" last night. And I didn't watch the whole thing for 2 reasons. 1. The comedian died first. That is bullshit. 2. That blue guy was allowed to be naked whenever he was working in his lab. I saw plenty of scenes where he was wearing clothing. Even that banana hammock he was wearing was better than the nakedness. Fuck Dr. Manhattan.

-They need to make a new live action Ninja Turtles movie. With the technology they have today it has the potential to be a sick movie.

-I'm terrible at booty calls. I always call a girl while drunk on a saturday night and I am terrible at it. I'm never able to get them over that night. I think I'm asking the wrong questions. "Hey girl. I just got home from the bar. Whatre you up to....on tuesday? Wanna grab some lunch?" (new joke. Still working on it but that's the basic structure of it....comments?)

-FUCK JAY LENO. HE IS DESTROYING LATE NIGHT TELEVISION. YOUR TIME HAS PASSED. GET OFF TV AND LET CONAN TAKE OVER!!!!! Also, I think Jimmy Fallon does a really good job. Put Jay in Carson Daly's spot. Instead of "Last Call with Carson Daly" they can call it "Quiting Time with Jay Leno"

-I am obsessed with the idea of meeting a girl at a red light and sparks will fly. But it never happens. Everytime I pull up to a redlight and I'm next to a girl I can never get her attention. I smile and give her the nod. I even waive sometimes to try and get her attention but the light is red for like 2 fucking seconds. And when there isn't a girl the light takes half an hour and there is a 7 year old playing PSP who won't stop fucking staring at me from the backseat of his mother's minivan.

-Ray-J is the new Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav 2.0. He has so many STDs that he has built up an immunity to all disease and will live forever.

-Why are older ladies who pick up young men called "Cougars" and older men that pick up young ladies are called "creeps"?

-I don't go to clubs anymore because the age limits are wierd. 18 to party. 21 to drink. 23 to be creepy and old. (another new joke.....comments?)

-The Roots are crazy good (if you couldn't tell already, I'm watching late nite)

-My february 2nd show has been moved for 7pm to 8pm. Just letting you know.

Ok. That's all I have for right now. Goodnight.

2nd show....better than the 1st

As you can tell from the title of this blog, my second show was awesome. Thank you to everyone who came....all 65 of you.
Highlights from the show. The kid who played Louie in the Robin Williams movie Jack was there. His name is Adam Zolotin (I'm not sure I spelt it right.but look him up) and I thought his on stage presence was hysterical. Once again Jim Gaffigan showed up and I performed right between him and the closer Jim David....and I killed it. I'm starting to feel very confident on stage and everyone says that it shows. I'm probably gonna do another show there next month and I will do my best to keep everyone posted. Once again thanks everyone for coming.