The Agony of.........

Defeat!! That is right, I lost the challenge of beerpong to the elder Flood. He challenged me because of my post on how me and Sean beat him bad on the night of Sean's birthday. He won the challenge but it could have gone either way in the end. It was a best of 3 series.
First Game:
I came out firing. I held a sizable lead for the whole game. Mike Flood stated " I thought Sean was your whole team"(referring to mine and Sean's impressive record on the beerpong table) as he lost by 4 cups.
Second Game:
This game came down to the last cup after I jumped out to an early lead. But Mike squeezed the ball into the last cup before I could. From this point on it was downhill for me.
Third Game:
This game was controlled by Flood the whole time. He had at least a one cup lead the whole game and at one point was up 3. But I changed that lead midway through the game by sending them back. But in the end Mike Flood was the winner.

All together it was a good matchup of two beerpong GODS!!!! He was victorious but was still a big loser on the night of Sean's birthday party.

Life lessons I look foward to teaching my son one day....

I am not yet a father but some day I hope to be. I would very much like to have a son to pass on my awesome knowledge about awesome stuff. I would be ok with a girl, but a boy would be so much awesomer. Also, I want to name my son Austin Cooper Sganga so that he will be A.C. Sganga(just like A.C. Slater). I can't do that with a chick.

Awesome Lesson #1: Cap'n Crunch is overrated.
Cap'n Crunch is a very good tasting cereal but is not worth the hastle. It gets stuck to the roof of your mouth and becomes a pain in the ass. Better cereals include Fruity Pebbles, Cookie Crisp, Count Chocula, and Trix.

Awesome Lesson #2: No fat chicks!
Even if you are heavy it is possible to get a good looking girlfriend. And if you say all that matters is personality you are a fucking idiot. You aren't going to waste your time getting to know a girl's personality if she is not attractive enough to talk to. The main point is that you can always improve your situation.

Awesome Lesson #3: Your father is a great guy.
(I know someone is going to debate this and be a dick.....A.K.A. Brian and Matt)
My son is going to worship me. Mainly because I gave him the gift of an awesome name. Also, because I am going to lie to him. He is going to think that I played minor league baseball, made-out with Jessica Alba at a party, and that I beat up a whole frat just because they were a frat. If these 3 lies do not do the trick, I am fully prepared to make up more awesome lies.

Awesome Lesson #4: Sports are good for you.
Being an athlete on a team has always helped me in life. I do not remember a time where things were made harder for me just because I was on a team. A little hardwork at practice will go a long way. Especially if you have a teacher who follows your sport and is very impressed with your play. Also, if you get really good you could make a lot of money. And even before the money you get chicks. Do you think Reggie Bush (the RB at USC) has to try to get chicks? Even the ugliest mothafuckas can get chicks if they are athletic.

Awesome Lesson #5: Fighting is gay!!
I read an article on CollegeHumor.com a while back and it explained this awesome lesson perfectly. It begins with the 2 of you checking each other out and then deciding to "get it on". Then there is a little foreplay (shoulder bump, etc..). After this you 2 are all over each other getting sweaty while screaming and moaning. The next time you see this guy it is gonna be awkward just like it would be seeing a girl for the first time after a one night stand. The only fighting I will accept is going to be in a ring or in a cage. That's it, bottom line.

Awesome Lesson #6: Nobody likes a cocky asshole.
There are numerous people from high school that I don't ever want to talk to again because they were assholes. It is one thing to be proud in your accomplishments, but unless it says on your birth certificate "God's gift to the world", and is signed by the big guy, you are no better than anyone else. So treat people with respect before they beat you up and you appear gay.

Awesome Lesson #7: Guys don't wear pink!
I will admit that I have worn pink. But I have worn the shirt maybe twice and now it just collects dust in my closet. It doesn't make you seem more manly if you can rock pink shirts. And I have never seen a guy in a pink shirt with 5 chicks hanging all over him. The only way you can do this is if you are an awesome athlete with mad cheddar, and mulit-million dollar businessman, or Brad Pitt.

Awesome Lesson #8: Make friends with everyone you can!!
It never hurts to have a lot of friends. And you never know when you might need somebody's help. You will have your really good friends that you can always count on, but you will have your friends which are more of acquaintance. You never know when you will need the help of these friends.

Awesome Lesson #9: Go ask your mother!!
I really don't care if your friends sleep over. Go ask your mother!! You want a puppy?? Go ask your mother!! Wanna make bombs in the garage?? Go ask your mother!! The only things that you are allowed to bother me about are: the birds and the bees, sports, and being awesome.

Awesome Lesson #10: Beer is your friend!!
When you get to your late teens you are going to start drinking. Don't be the faggot drinking wine coolers. That is gayer than fighting. Drink beer because even if you don't like the taste now, you will like it more with each sip. Liquor is ok but not everytime you drink. Beer is a necessity if you are going to drink.

Awesome Lesson #11: Cartoons!!
You are never too old for cartoons.

Awesome Lesson #12: Being a nice person gets you places.
High school was a breeze for me because I was a nice guy. I never mouthed off to a teacher and I made sure that they liked me. I wanted to be there favorite student even if I was an idiot. If people like you then you can get away with more shit than the average person. So be likable because it will help, especially in high school.

Awesome Lesson #13: Having a good time is as important as getting your work done!!
People need to let loose every now and then. It is a necessity that some people don't realize. If you are all about work than you will not only be unhappy, you will suck and general. And if I raised you correctly you do not want to suck. You want to be awesome like your father.

Awesome Lesson #14: Nerds are made good stoned!!
According to the clerk at the C-Store, "Nerds are mad good stoned". I agree. Just to let you know some other good foods while high are twix, cheetos, and ice cream.

ok.....I've run out of lessons for now. But these are enough lessons to help my kid become pretty awesome. So when I am going to introduce you to my son in the future, be prepared to meet someone who is awesome.

Laundry......

I may not do laudry very often(just ask my roomate), but I notice a lot of shit that pisses me off in the laundry room.
Today I was doing my laundry and there were no machines open. So I looked to see how much time was left on the machines and I came back at the appropriate time. The fucking problem I have is that assholes don't get there shit out of the washing machine when it is done. Many people come down like 20 minutes later. I would just take their shit out of the machine and put it on the big fucking table in the middle of the room that is obviously their to put laundry on, but there is a sign that says I shouldn't do that because it is rude. WELL IT IS FUCKING RUDE TO KEEP PEOPLE WAITING LIKE THAT!!! FUCKING ASSHOLES!!! As you can tell I am very mad about this subject. That is because it didn't only happen once. It has happened everytime I have tried to clean my clothes. Washing your clothes takes 26 minutes. If you put it in and forget it in 26 minutes you should be shot by firing squad because you are an idiot. And I am not a smart guy in any sense of the word and I am calling other people stupid. If you put your laundry in and go out somewhere and leave it.....DIE!!!DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH!!! Assholes also do this with the drier.
This is one of the reasons why I only do laundry once in a blue moon. Also, I am extremely lazy. But I just want to get my message across that you shouldn't leave your laundry in the washing machine or drier because the chances are that someone else wants to use the machine. So set a timer so that I don't have to kill you with my Kung Fu skills that I am going to learn next week so I can kill you with them.

Fuckin Chuck Norris!!!!!!

I have recently been sent to a website listing facts about a man that is admired by many. This man is Chuck Norris. There are many facts about Chuck that the common man does not know.
Chuck was not born like you or me. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. A beard that he would share with the world. He was actually the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. Chuck has also changed history in other ways. He built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. He did his best to save JFK, and his best was too good. He also changed history in other cases. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". Also, one of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not answer to anybody. He can kick the crap out of the devil and he is smarter than Jesus. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. Also, Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.

Chuck is also a great cook. When Chuck's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." His abilities are so amazing that before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill. To prove this he smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

He is even familiar with the law. He is currently suing NBC because "Law" and "Order" are the trademarked names of his right and left leg. He is also suing Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Chuck has even influenced television. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. The show became a classic with only a fraction of the amount of awesome it was supposed to have.

But Chuck isn't all business. He is a kind man. He helps the less fortunate very often. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. He wanted to help the man but he had to do what he had to do. He also has a great sense of humor. Chuck's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't Fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. He also loves to play games. When he plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. He even created an energy drink for the whole world to enjoy that is made out of his own urine.....Red Bull.

All together, Chuck Norris is a great man that has affected almost every aspect of society. But he is still a very dangerous man. And don't forget, if you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep....he waits.