People are fucked up....

Ever want to tell your deepest darkest secrets to a group of random people over the internet??? Well that is what a lot of people are doing on a website called grouphug. I went to this website when i clicked a link on collegehumor.com and then i decided to browse to see how fucked up people are. And trust me, they're fucked up.
There is one guy who wrote about how he masturbated in the Colorado River while drunk and high during a thunder storm. FUCKED UP! or this one guy who told this story..."When I was young (around 14), my family had a dog, a collie. It was male and very well hung, so one day I took a kitchen knife and cut off its cock. I disposed of the body and used the severd penis to masturbate with. When my family noticed the dog was missing, everyone assumed it had run away. I pretended to act very sad and I even faked crying. After a few days it started to smell very bad so I had to throw it away, but it felt soooooooo good." That is probably the most fucked up thing I ever heard and will ever hear. A lot of these people should be locked away. Either in straight jackets or in jail, like this guy named Murphy who wrote "I dissolved three types of poisons into my best friends drink to see what would happen. He's in the hospital for "consumpsion of water". They have no idea it was me." These people should be shot by firing squad, then set on fire, pissed on, and then forced to head-butt a porcupine. The last one I read was about this one guy who wrote about this girl giving him head and then he pointed to the distant right and said, "is that your father" and as she quickly looked... he shot her right in the eye with his "cream." Actually, that's not really fucked up....it's kinda funny.
I wrote this blog at first because I thought it was funny. But now I just realize how fucked up some people really are and how happy I am to be sane.

Luis Guzman

This post is dedicated to a great actor and possibly my favorite person to ever walk the earth. Yes, he is cooler than Chuck Norris. He has starred in almost 90 movies including: Waiting, Boogie Nights, Anger Management, and Traffic. He has made guest appearances in shows such as: Law and Order, NYPD Blue, and Walker Texas Ranger (that episode must have been so awesome that most TV sets exploded. Even if they weren't on the right channel). That's right....Luis Guzman is a god amongst men. A Titan to the Gods.
Luis Guzman is a fuckin hilarious man who started his career in the late 70s. He has done some great movies and it seems like he is in everything. If I ever have a movie career I wish it could be considered awesome enough for some average shmuck, like me, to write about it.
I wish he had a singing career. I would buy his CD. Or he could do standup. I'd pay money to just hangout in the same room as him for an hour. It might be too much awesome for one person and my head might explode, but my obituary would be awesome. "Man killed by Luis Guzman's awesomness!!!!" Then people would be interviewed and have quotes like "I can't believe he lasted that long. It is just too much awesome for one man to witness for that amount of time."
The people at webster dictionary should create a word to describe his level of awesomness. Maybe a word like Guzmania!! Luis Guzman is a Guzmaniac!!!!
I wish one day I could be a Guzmaniac!!!

NEW POSTS!!!!!!

Attention!! Attention!!! I am running low on topics for my blogs. If you have any topics that you would like to see me discuss, leave a comment telling my what you want......word.

The Pet Rock....

Recently one of my teachers mentioned the Pet Rock during class. This got me to thinking of how stupid, yet brilliant the idea of a Pet Rock was. I looked up the definition of a pet on dictionary.com and i got : An animal kept for amusement or companionship. The Pet Rock was not an animal and no one who is not in a straight jacket can say that a Pet Rock kept them company when they were lonely or amused them when they were bored.
Let me give you some background info I found by googling "Pet Rock" before writing this article(I really have no better way to fill the time). Pet Rocks were a 1975 fad originated in California by salesman, Gary Dahl(A.K.A. The smartest dumb piece of shit ever).Gary Dahl, was a Californian advertising man. While drinking with his buddies one night in April 1975 the conversation turned to pets. As a joke, this Ass-Clown informed his friends that he considered dogs, cats, birds, and fish all a pain in the neck. They made a mess; they misbehaved; they cost too much money. He, on the other hand, had a pet rock, and it was an ideal pet - easy and cheap, and it had a great personality. His buddies started to joke around with the "off-the-wall idea" and pretty soon they were al tossing around the notion of a pet rock and all the things it was good for.
This piece of shit spent the next 2 weeks writing the "Pet Rock Training Manual." To accompany the book, Dahl decided to actually create a Pet Rock. He went to a builder's supply store in San Jose and found the most expensive rock in the place - a Rosarita Beach Stone, which was a uniform size, rounded gray pebble that sold for a penny. He packed the stone in excelsior in a gift box shaped like a pet carrying case, accompanied by the instruction book.
The Pet Rock was introduced at the August gift show in San Francisco, then in New York. Neiman-Marcus ordered five hundred. Gary Dahl sent out homemade news releases. Newsweek did a half-page story about the piece of shit, and by the end of October Gary Dahl was shipping ten thousand Pet Rocks every Day. He appeared on "The Tonight Show," twice. By Christmas when, two and a half tons of rocks had been sold, three-fourths of all the daily newspapers in America had run Pet Rock stories, often including Gary Dahl's tongue-in-cheek revelations about how each rock was individually tested for obedience at Rosarita Beach in Baja, Mexico, before being selected and boxed. A million rocks sold for $3.95 apiece in just a few months, and Gary Dahl - who decided from the beginning to make at least one dollar from every rock - had become an instant millionaire.
Now that you know the history of the pet rock, you understand why I am so pist off. This guy made more money in a couple months than most people make in 10 years. And worst of all, I think he is brilliant. I wish I could be so drunk and stupid that I would think the Pet Rock would make me money. I think I may sell a pet leaf during next christmas, maybe even pet grass. I would love to sell that shit and make money off of some stupid motherfuckers. Fuck the animal idea. Inanimate objects make so much more sense. Who doesn't want a pet that doesn't do anything. You don't have to clean it or feed it....ooooo wait, you can't have fun with it either. So it wouldn't make a good pet. It is a piece of shit rock that can be found at Rosarita Beach. So instead of buying a fucking rock, go on vacation to Rosarita Beach and dig one up. Fuck Gary Dahl.
So if you are looking at a picture of a pet rock, you are having as good a time as you will possibly have with it.


Aren't you having a great time starring at somebody's pet???

Hi, I'm Alejandro Fermoso and I am a Gemini...

This weekend was mad funny. Friday was just a regular drunken night but Saturday I took form as my alter-ego Alejandro Fermoso.
First, Let me tell you the story of how I became Alejandro. My buddy Pat Cruse, who is a mexican and is now related to me because all mexicans are related, got me this crap ID. He called me over vacation to tell me that he got me an ID and he stated that it was "money". For those of you who know me know that I am in no way spanish looking. This kid looks nothing like me. The only thing we have similar is that we are close to the same height and we are guys.
So saturday started like any other day. I planned on going to our usual spot to chill on Clayton ave. But this night would be different. It would become a total shit show because the real mexican (Cruse) said that we should go to the bar. We ended up going there and he didn't even show up.
But the drinking began at like 9. We went to the house, killed all the leftover beers, and then wanted to get more before the bars. So we made a trip to Sunoco and got a 30 and a 12. We then killed those beers by around 11:30 by playing games such as up the river down the river, asshole, and drink the beer. So we were all pretty nice-nice before heading to the bar.
The first bar we got to was Woody's. Everyone went in and I handed the guy my ID. He then asked what my middle name was. I had no idea. So I told him that I don't have one. He said "Well it says you have one on your ID." So I then ask "Well what letter does it start with?" He gave me my ID back and I left with my buddies. We then went to Murphy's and I got in no problem. So to celebrate I bought my buddies and I a round of Jager shots. Then we got a pitcher. After like 10 minutes 2 other guys I know show up and I buy them a shot. And then they each buy me some shots. At this point Wilson decided to dissapear and I was mad shitty and just talking out my ass to people. I could have sworn one girl was my TA and I asked if she was and I think i creeped her out because I know she was and she was lying to me. But once the shots hit me I had to get out of there. So I caught the downtown drunk bus to bring me back to campus. From this point the next thing i remembered was waking up feeling like shit.
The next morning I woke up to my RA making our floor breakfast. I was surprised that I was able to eat. At breakfast Brian told me how much I was puking the night before. Then I finished eating and I decided to go right back to bed. As soon as I laid down the room started spinning and I started to vommit. It was horrible. But when I was done i felt a million times better and decided not to lay down for a while.
But that was my crazy ass Saturday night as Alejandro Fermoso. So I now respond to Al if you want to call me that. And Cruse is mad mexican.